To Stay

In my life to date, I've made a practice to both run with all my might from what was inside and also, to deeply stay - it is a choice I make every day.

There is a saying that 'ignorance is bliss' and there is so much truth to that statement BUT, let me tell you, for a woman who has lived on both sides of the coin, I would choose the one where I am deeply connected within. When I ran, I did it in any way I could - friends, nights out, food, tv, being the centre of attention, playing the bravado role, being there for other people - anything that would have me so far away from my own existence. Anything in excess really, was my jam. In my early 30s I began this long, slow turn within. It was frightening. I had a deep resonance with 'anywhere but here' which meant, as long as I was anywhere but inside my body, that was the preferred choice and what happened as a consequence is I watched everybody else's life change and while I had dreams, nothing ever changed. I have learned (and am still learning), to look within. At every corner, at every sign post, I re-align myself in a new way to diving on in. I have found that every time I do, I become happier. Looking within, can be scary as shit, but the rewards far outweigh the fear based stories I tell myself. By looking within, I've come to know my heartbeat and the language that she speaks. I know what is for me. I trust the signals my body gives me. I found my voice to say yes and no thank you, that is not for me. Because of this, I have come to know how capable and resilient I truly am. Looking within, has shown me that love is not something that exists outside of me, but within me. It does take time to go from the outside in but once you are in there, you are well worth a few uncomfortable moments and is where the magic begins. May you find the courage to know you inner world and it may it be the richest tapestry you come to know in your life. With all my Heart, Amanda x